While I was walking up the stairs the other day
I smelled something like a new box of crayons
That first-day-of-school smell
I wanted to vomit
In kindergarten I sat at my desk and cried
Because my mother left me there
They gave me a picture of her
That I propped up on a glue stick and stared at all day
I cried until I fell asleep in my seat
Often
This is hell
This is hell
This is hell
Today I am somewhere between
Mania and
Catharsis
I ran out of sadness
But I still feel unresolved
Just the other day
I was trying yet again
To outline my entire life to come
My future –
Clueless – I should give up on college
On trying to have a life
What’s the point
What’s the point
What’s the point
In the years following –
K-12 – but I knew by third grade
My life was being wasted
My childhood was waning away
Playing Zelda with my dad
That one big adventure
The best years of my life are behind me
What is
the point ?
Time is strange for me
It stretches on here
For an eternity
That trite phrase
Absolutely true
Hours pass,
but the clock is
Frozen
I need to think
I need to think
I need to think
Time to throw on the
Ash and sack-clothes
I wonder
Yet again
If my life is doomed to be a
never-ending subsequence of misery
What is the point
If this is hell
I need to find a solution
I need to think
I need to think
But I can’t